my birthday "surprise"

as you all know, if not you should know, that august 7th was my birthday...cecil took me on a quick trip out of town so avis and marlene could arrange a surprise birthday party for me...come on with marlene in town you know it wasn't going to be a secret for long...i overheard uncle jessie say somethin bout it at the bowling alley Friday night, he said he heard it from charlene, who heard it from wanda who overheard it from tammy when she was yacking to her hair stylist during last thursday's weekly set and of course tammy heard it straight from marlene...so anyway that was a bust...but the day was not without our moments...it was so freaking hot sweat was dripping all around - i just don't know how avis and marlene kept all that make up on. Cecil arranged for a 50/50 drawing to be held and we are going to use the proceeds to rent out the bowling alley for the last nascar race of the year...hold onto your hat boys and girls if you thought the birthday party was wild.
that party will be rip roaring..

****
Avis on the hunt for something...probably Kenny to give him hell for something...

and here's kenny trying to stay away...
Hey, it's my party and that's my beer... marlene getting her hands on some 50/50 tickets...

another shot of marlene and her best friend tammy i have never ever seen tammy without a cig hanging off her lips

uncle jessie in his own world, as usual...

and cecil trying to ignore janices daughter-jackee while she gives him the evil eye...

janice showing off another tattoo and her butt crack

does she not own a good pair of stretch pants that fit or better yet anything that fits?...
and hey...where the hell are my presents and cake??? No, the kegs were NOT enough.

two birds, one stone

so this lady i know in little rock tagged me in some queer facebook misadventure and wanted to know 25 random things about me...ok so what else do i have to do before headin to the alley so i will share with you....now get off my back about updating this damn blog and staying in touch on the time suck known as facebook....

1. i live in a trailer park and love it
2. i am a senior citizen but still like to party
3. i still have a crush on my high school love - T-Roy
4. i've slept with a black man - and it is true, i will never go back
5. i smoke kool milds...in a box...and save the lectures my lungs are made of steel
6. i miss night owl theater
7. i still love to macrame pot holders
8. i collect pink flamingos
9. beer cures my hangovers
10. i enjoy beer out of cans
11. slim jims rule the snack aisle
12. i wish i owned a harley
13. no, those arent dentures, the real deal baby...there are not many here in the park that can claim a whole set.
14. been married 5 times...bart, frank, walter, billy and billy bob
15. my car has a working muffler
16. my favorite color is turquoise
17. i like jackie o sunglasses
18. nascar is the real american pasttime...RIP, dale
19. i prefer a booth to a table
20. plastic cups are fine, collectible and dont break when drunk
21. gas station coffee is the best kept secret in my hood
22. i once dreamed of being a dancer but never made it past the gentlemen's club...if u know what i mean... 23. i can do the splits
24. obama made me a democrat for life...
25. i hate being tagged in stupid fb pranks

from sorrow to smiles

its been a tough week, a lot of souls to tip one back for, first ed mcmahon, then farrah and of course michael. i wasn't much of a jackson fan but the deaths of farrah and ed rocked my world. like most of us here in the trailer park i have been dreaming for years to open the door to ed holding that big cardboard check with my name on it...ms noreen j walker...so since that dream has now gone down the drain i immediately ran up to the kwik stop and bought myself a cool $20 worth of scratch off lottery tix...and wouldn't you know it i won $1,000 -- can you believe it, me the unluckiest person in the world a winner -- no i didn't win the $10M, but really does anyone, i am sure it is a hoax to take our hard earned government money. so with this grand burning a hole in my polyesters i remembered about that to die for

gold 1989 lincoln town car that i saw down on the car lot...and to top it off ed style i even got to keep the balloon attached to the antenna reminiscent of the balloon bouquet those lucky ducks got with their big cardboard checks. well that's all for now -- gotta take a cruise in the town car.

man the looks i get around the trailer park...thinking of getting some vanity plates...i'll keep ya updated, can't wait to drive it up in style to the family reunion in a couple months...stay tuned...njw **RIP ED**

Happy Freakn Easter

saturday night special

Yeah Yeah, I know these posts are few and far between but shit

be glad I friggin do them at all..

Anyway..

Remember my sister

Avis

and

her boyfriend Kenny... well, Avis calls me this A.M> between my morning cup of folgers and my 3rd cig and wants me to accompany her and Kenny to some friggin banquet night at the

Moose Lodge.. What the hell do I need to go for? I ask her...Well bottom line Kenny decidedto take the early retirement package from the factory and there's a party in his honor tonight...Avis needs someone to go with her because hes just like all these old factory boys that can't hold their liquor like they could twenty years ago. Avis needs me there to make the emergency exit before the men become boys...nothing good can come of that

SOoooooooooooooo--She picks me up an hour later and we are off to the beauty shop for a wash and set on Avis of course, I wasnt do for another one for at least

another week....

Avis wanted to hit the mall next but I had to draw the line somewhere. Hell no am I going into that suburban hell, the prices are downright ludicrous-nothing wrong with the wranglers and the Jaclyn Smith line at k-mart for a fraction, a mean fraction of the price...plus I had to get home and have a couple before she and Kenny picked me up.

This is the dress i finally settled on ...

been in my closet for round five years...got it for cecil's wedding (per-janice) that never came to fruition due to cecil's bachelor party escapades....like i said before its never good when the men become boys thanks to a bit o'alcohol....but, hell, let's cut loose tonight...

it shots of jack and tequilla shooters for me....

Kenny's sister Bobbie K is supposed to make an appearance tonight...good lord, i go for years without seeing that lady but she doesn't change one bit -- same bitter old lady who looks down on the rest of us just cause we enjoy a pull of beer here and there....but then again

the good Lord was not kind to her - just look at that mug.
well gotta run before kenny's a honken at the curb...wish me luck --njw

nascar baby!

did you all see it? daytona was last sunday--how freakn exciting is that? i almost had to put my depends on i was so excited! anyway, all that hype and the race was a dissapointment...finished uunder caution due to rain>>>cheap i tell you ...if you cant drive in the rain what good are you??? i have not been around blogland for a while...out christmas trip to florida was extended because cecil"s gout flared up and i wasn't drivin that heap of a van through the mountains in virginia...ugh what a drive..did manage to stop of and pick ethel up a earnhart shirt...did i mention dale jr ran like shit on sunday..caused about a 20 car crash late in the day...he'll never live up to his dad's legacy..long live big E.....speaking of ethel and her new nascar shirt>>>you'll never guess what she got me..check out my new bowling shirt....these shots were taken superbowl sunday...not a stool in the bar to be had so we hit the billiard hall>>shoot even the commercials suck these days...

this weekend i am gettin my wig busted..haven't been to the beauty parlor in years but avis got me a gift certificate for christmas...so i'm off for a wash and a set...stayed tuned for the finished product...oh boy the smell of white rain aerosol...gotta love it.

I'm Outta Here....

well changes a muck this year, we are all headed to florida...yes, we finally gave into marlene's nagging and are making the trip to her trailer court in sunny florida...one of marlene's past trailer court tenants passed away and left her a bit of cash...cecil, avis and i are renting a minivan from budget and heading south....no kids..thank the good lord..remember i about had a nervous breakdown at thanksgiving....wish us well on our journey, we leave monday and cecil has the stops mapped out thanks to earl his trucker buddy...the best priced gas and slim jims from columbus to tampa.....happy holidays my friends.